That title is like word salad, right? Two things are happening, one important and one fun, and I was trying to fit them both in. The fun one involves a chance to win a $25 gift ceriticiate to DriveThruRPG, but let’s start with the important one.
The Important Thing: Spam Account Purge
We have spam comments locked down, but spammers are ingenious at registering spam accounts. Usually those accounts don’t have any comments associated with them, so accounts with zero comments are quite likely to be spam.
The other reason there’s a correlation between zero comments and spam accounts is that nothing on Gnome Stew is hidden: All of our content is available, for free, to everyone. The only two things an account lets you do here are 1) comment on articles and 2) be eligible for contests and giveaways. In other words, there’s no reason to have an account here if you’re not going to write at least one comment.
We understand that people sometimes create an account and then never use it for one reason or another, though, and we don’t want to delete any legitimate accounts. The goal is to have all accounts be legitimate.
So here’s the skinny:
If you have an account here and have never commented on an article, you need to make at least one comment or we will delete your account.
If you’ve commented at least once, your account won’t be deleted, of course! It doesn’t matter which article you comment on, or how long it’s been since you last commented — again, we’re only nuking accounts with zero comments in this purge. But if you’re looking for a likely target article to comment on, read on to see why this one is a good choice!
(Update: Please note as well that having a user account, receiving our articles via RSS/email, and being on our mailing list are completely separate from each other. You can have/do any of those things without having/doing any of the others.)
The Fun Thing: A Contest!
We love running contests and giving stuff away to our readers, and since purging spam accounts isn’t exactly sexy article fodder we thought we’d jazz things up a bit. From now until November 6, 2012, we’re running a contest.
Here’s the scoop:
- You can enter the contest by commenting on this article. In your comment, say something funny to prove that you’re a human being. One comment per person; if you comment more than once, your first comment is the one that counts. (As always, the gnomes aren’t eligible to win.)
- New users are welcome to comment. This contest is open to anyone with an account who comments before the contest ends.
- Comments on this article will stay open until sometime in the evening on November 6, 2012, at which point I will close them and the contest will be over.
- The gnomes will take a few days to read all of the comments here, hold a vote to choose the funniest comment, and that commenter will win the contest.
- We’ll award a $25 gift certificate to DriveThruRPG to the lucky winner.
That’s all there is to it. Happy commenting, humans!












The owlbear grabbed my pants. Dangit.
Dearest Owlbear,
Please return steamcrow’s pants.
Why is my owlbear wearing pants?
I tried Gnome for a while, but the UI wasn’t intuitive enough. Since then, I’m all about Apples. Much tastier.
“something funny to prove that you’re a human being”
(Really, two pages, and I’m the first to pull that gag?)
something funny to prove that you’re a human being.
Really, us programs do NOT all look alike!
I’m not a comedian, so I have nothing funny to say. I love gaming and am learning to be a better GM.
Wow Martin – I hope I am a human being, however I am assured by my brother and Sokin that we all may be brains in vats and that my assumptions about metaphysics could be all wrong – hence – take my posting to self designate as a human being with a grain of salt.
However, in that (unlike a robot or a corporation) I can miss old friends when they live so far away I am likely a human being.
A jingle:
Eat your Gnome Stew!
It’s better than Kobold Poo
In the cold morning dew.
Lick the bowl when you’re through.
You don’t even need to chew!
Eat your Gnome Stew!
I once tried halfling stew instead of gnome stew. I find that I much prefer beard hair over foot hair.
If saying curse words is immature, then why is it called “Adult Language”
(philosoraptor joke)
Also since I’m here making meme Jokes
I don’t always post on Gnome Stew, but when I do it’s to prove I’m human and participate in a contest.
Oh thought of something else funny, and non-meme related.
So I was DM for a group of friends’ 1st D&D game. As all good D&D starts, they were in a tavern. I described the tavern and the patrons.
DM(me): (after explanation of everything else) In the corner you see a suspicious looking man with a dark cloak with his hood up
Player: I walk up to the man. “Hey, you look suspicious!”
Everyone else: *Face palm
Needless to say, we till tell this story or use it as a joke nearly every game.
Trying really hard to resist posting in character as a spambot.
A lamia walks into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your kobold’s a wereboar.
I really like the newsletter, and I didn’t want to lose it. So, after I tried to post, it turns out I didn’t even have an account! Then I jumped through the hoops of registering and posting, just to prevent the account I didn’t even have in the first place from being purged; and in the process I seem to have created a account for which 100% of the contributions to the site, i.e. this post, are off-topic spam. Which needs purging. And now I’m seriously confused.
I’ve been avoiding responding to comments so as to avoid the apperance of favoring anyone, but you bring up an important point I’d like to make: Your ability to receive Gnome Stew’s posts via email/RSS, as well as emails from our mailing list, are completely separate from having an account here.
You don’t need an account to receive posts in your email or RSS feed, nor to receive emails from our mailing list, or vice versa. They’re not linked in any way. We want you to be able to access our material and be able to communicate with us in the ways that are most useful to you, and if that includes not wanting a user account but getting our articles in your inbox, that’s A-OK.
I do not wish to prove that I am a human being. That would be illogical, since I am in fact a much higher form of life…an owlbear! And no, I do not wear pants.
if people around you are dying of NCSE (non-causal spontaneous evisceration), you might have a ninja in your party.
So the Gnome Commentariat General is finally cracking down. Ah well, contests are fun! Count me in.
Steamcrow’s pants theft story is way funnier in the UK!
Don’t blame me for you getting fired! I said treasure TABLES dot com. Not treasure CHESTS dot com!
I don’t have time to do quips or funnies, the village of Hommlet is in dire need of adventurers!
“…Why?”
Here’s an older one:
What do you get if you pour boiling oil on a bard?
A skald.
Oh, to be a Gnome!
Expert in gaming and fun,
Delight is my goal.
How to build drama?
Riches, Intrigue, City Watch
So many tropes!
Comedy comes next.
Absurd player rationale,
Then hijinx ensue.
No bot could react
And keep the story going
Human I must be.
Well I don’t really need to comment so that my account won’t be deleted, but I’ll give the contest a try.
The Game: Warhammer Fantasy Role-Play,
FirstONLY EditionMy Character: Female Halfling Rogue named Lirana
The Place: Altdorf, which (randomly) happens to be my character’s place of origin.
The Setup: We’ve begun tracking a serial killer, who leaves his victims so horribly disfigured that only the halfling victim has been identified, since the halfling community is so close to each other.
“The victim’s name was David Oppen.”
I roll to see if I recognize the name: 01 (low percentile rolls are always better). I gasp, “No!”
The coroner asks, puzzled, “You knew him?”
“Well sure. His brother’s married to the daughter from the second marriage of my mother’s sister.”
Blank stares from everyone else.
“What?”
Would a spambot say this?
“Comments? I ain’t posted no comments! I don’t need to post no comments! I don’t have to show you that I’ve posted any stinking comments!”
A Panda walks into a deli, orders a sandwich. When the bill comes, he shoots the waiter.
“Hey!” shouts the cook.
“I’m a panda bear. Look it up.” The panda walks out.
The cook looks it up. “Hmmm, he’s right. Panda: eats shoots and leaves.”
Some great comments people
I have registered to post XD
HA!
I could not recall if i had an account or not. I rarely feel motivated enough to comment on anything.
Turns out i do have one.
I can’t recall if i have ever posted. I will check right after i post this.
Insert laugh track here.
No, don’t take away the Gnomey-goodness that is the Gnome Stew!
At first glance, I thought you were announcing the results on November 6.
And I was gonna say, finally, at least one outcome I can look forward to that day.
[SPAMBOT ONLINE.]
[LOADING TURING MODULE.]
Greetings knomes!
I am a fellow humanoid and not a computer!
Would you like to enlarge your short sword into a full blade? Click this link! http://really.bad.idea/donotclick.virus
Being cynical is so much more satisfying than forced attempts at humor.
Dumbasses.
What did one wizard say to the other wizard?
“Really?? I’m a wizard too!”
This is not the spambot you were looking for.
Really.
This unit is equivalent to precisely one human being.
I’m having an existential crisis! How do I prove my humanity? I’m lost! (brrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppp) Ah, yes, of course. I belch, therefore I am.
I am a comment in the making.
Hi!
Long time reader, but never written anything. I’m just posting to let you know that I want my account deleted.
I’m German, so I am genetically unable to be funny.
Also I am a civil servant, and it is much discussed if that counts as a human being…
10 print “Worst Turin test ever….”
20 goto 10
It might be hard for me to prove that I am human. But I am not a computer or a script either. So, what happens if I am not a bot, a spam and not a human neither?
Someone else’s post inspired this invention:
Clockwork Spam-manikin.
Resembles Geordie Hormel.
Wind him up with a Spam can key.
Plays piano, tells pleasant stories, restores full health/hit points if a PC stops to listen for a while.
Second post.
I am not a spammer but if you’re interested, I have a large selection of Canadian pharmaceutics I could sell you. Put the asque back in your tarrasque today!
WOW PVP, TS3
“What? I’m dead? How did that happen?”
“Quickly.”
Do pants wearing ninja pirate owlbears eat spam? That’s the real question.
The things we’ll do for $25. Imagine the carnage if you had offered $50…
“I am Not a Spambot”
a short essay written by Scotland Tom:
I am not a spambot.
The End
I post therefore I am.