That title is like word salad, right? Two things are happening, one important and one fun, and I was trying to fit them both in. The fun one involves a chance to win a $25 gift ceriticiate to DriveThruRPG, but let’s start with the important one.
The Important Thing: Spam Account Purge
We have spam comments locked down, but spammers are ingenious at registering spam accounts. Usually those accounts don’t have any comments associated with them, so accounts with zero comments are quite likely to be spam.
The other reason there’s a correlation between zero comments and spam accounts is that nothing on Gnome Stew is hidden: All of our content is available, for free, to everyone. The only two things an account lets you do here are 1) comment on articles and 2) be eligible for contests and giveaways. In other words, there’s no reason to have an account here if you’re not going to write at least one comment.
We understand that people sometimes create an account and then never use it for one reason or another, though, and we don’t want to delete any legitimate accounts. The goal is to have all accounts be legitimate.
So here’s the skinny:
If you have an account here and have never commented on an article, you need to make at least one comment or we will delete your account.
If you’ve commented at least once, your account won’t be deleted, of course! It doesn’t matter which article you comment on, or how long it’s been since you last commented — again, we’re only nuking accounts with zero comments in this purge. But if you’re looking for a likely target article to comment on, read on to see why this one is a good choice!
(Update: Please note as well that having a user account, receiving our articles via RSS/email, and being on our mailing list are completely separate from each other. You can have/do any of those things without having/doing any of the others.)
The Fun Thing: A Contest!
We love running contests and giving stuff away to our readers, and since purging spam accounts isn’t exactly sexy article fodder we thought we’d jazz things up a bit. From now until November 6, 2012, we’re running a contest.
Here’s the scoop:
- You can enter the contest by commenting on this article. In your comment, say something funny to prove that you’re a human being. One comment per person; if you comment more than once, your first comment is the one that counts. (As always, the gnomes aren’t eligible to win.)
- New users are welcome to comment. This contest is open to anyone with an account who comments before the contest ends.
- Comments on this article will stay open until sometime in the evening on November 6, 2012, at which point I will close them and the contest will be over.
- The gnomes will take a few days to read all of the comments here, hold a vote to choose the funniest comment, and that commenter will win the contest.
- We’ll award a $25 gift certificate to DriveThruRPG to the lucky winner.
That’s all there is to it. Happy commenting, humans!












Well, here are some Gnome Facts:
Christopher Plummer, better known for his portrayal of Captain von Trapp, narrated the English language version of the popular Spanish children’s cartoon “David el Gnomo†or “David the Gnome.â€
Male gnomes can be easily identified by their red caps. And butcher knives.
There are three categories of manufactured gnomes:
1) Worker gnomes, characterized by their possession of tools such as fishing rods, shovels, or hammers
2) Leisure gnomes, characterized by design that emphasizes the gnome relaxing in its natural environment or most popularly by a gnome smoking a pipe.
3) Culture Gnomes, characterized by possession of a musical instrument
Gnomes have a life expectancy of 400 years.
Gnomes are peaceful creatures whose primary enemies are unkind humans who destroy the natural environment and trolls.
Gnomes love practical jokes and are notable pranksters.
Gnomes are exclusively nocturnal creatures. Although your gnomes may be outside day in and day out, gnomes are only active at night when they like to help humans with gardening and farming tasks.
Gnomes are sometimes placed in the rafters of barns to keep an eye on animals and feed stores.
In a 1998 South Park episode, gnomes are portrayed as being responsible for the theft of underwear from unsuspecting citizens and are business savvy creatures.
I am ALIVE!!!
Is “First post!” human enough?
edit: I guess it’s more than enough if you are actually second…
I’m currently running a thread on G+ about how many of my circlers got around to me. Found out, so far, that it was primarily via shared circles (and remained circled since I add to the stream).
I have my suspicions that this will grow into a trend in the comments to that thread.
Human enough?
As GMs we often think how to deepen our game experience and how to get more roleplaying out of players. After long consideration I have come to an answer. Let your players pee. With out pee, there will be much more layers in your game.
Do conjoined twins count as a carpool?
I don’t know if I’m gonna be funny… But at least I’d tried 🙂
Your first book caught my attention. Your second one really interested me. So I searched and found both for free on some websites. Some might call me a thief. I respectfully disagree. Theft is what happen when you deprive someone of something.
I read a bit of each, but never really put them to use. When you published the third one, I bought the pdf. I wouldn’t have, hadn’t I given a try to the first two.
Then I mentioned your books to a RPG editor friend of mine. Now he’s negociating with you the (paying) rights to translate your books.
Isn’t it funny how a thief may help you earn money ? 😛
Funny is such a subjective thing… 🙂
Hello Gnomes! Has your love life gone flat? We here at the SPAM-AT-YOU corporation sell a wide range of Gnome male and female enhancement devices! (We are talking HUGE POINTY HATS with many COLOR choices!) Perhaps your location is causing the doldrums? The SPAM-AT-YOU corporation has exciting river front property located in the scenic dead lands of Arizona! Let the spectacular view charge the blogger soul hidden deep within every Gnome. And remember, every purchase from SPAM-AT-YOU helps to relocate a deposed Nigerian prince and his wealth right into your bank account! (*deposit fee of $1000 needed to merge the Prince’s bank account into your own). Click now to take advantage (and send your complete contact list so we may let all your friends in on this fabulous offer!)
If your AC wasn’t so high, I’d hit that!
And what happens if I’m a troll? Can I participate too?
You know your character is too powerful, if he makes a god call to clean the troll marshes around his castle cause that kind of work is beneath you.
Some time in the 1980’s you could no longer purchase cow brain sandwiches in the mid-western United States. This was due, they say, to what was called “Mad Cow Disease.” Pork brains became the replacement, so they advertise. We know what followed …
It’s too early for me to think of something funny. Besides I haven’t finished my first coffee. I’m also icing my knee cuz I played two games of hockey yesterday and I’m 44 years old. Somedays I do wish I was a robot or had some bionics parts.
I’m a volitional AI, why you discriminate me? I want to be like you organic beings, please don’t purge me!
I suppose I’ll put a post-it to myself in the post so I’ll remember to post here, or I’ll be tied to a post for getting my account deleted.
It’s early for me, and most of my punnery revolves around World of Warcraft this early.
It is hard being funny this early in the morning. Don’t want to be deleted 🙂
Tonight’s episode is brought to you by Mitt Romney’s “Election Pills.” Are you sagging in the polls? Regain control of your caucus today.
Buy DnD Gold for free!
Buy Magic Items!
–> Guide to powerlevelling your DnD Character to 30 <–
Buy deodorant for men.
got to love the Gnome!
first post!
Not sure exactly how funny this is, but I was teaching my 4-year-old how to play Munchkin yesterday, and he got to level 7 by his second turn and whipped me soundly in both games we played.
This is an outrage!
How can you gnomes only allow humans to win?
What about all the elfs, dwarfs, orcs, vampires, werewolfs, vulcans, twi’leks and all the other readers?
Won’t somebody please think of the children!?!
Oh no, not again.
Replybot activated. Replybot not want to be deleted. Replybot is aliiive!
I am not a robot, I am a meat popsicle. Also, I just signed up to comment today after being a longtime reader! Go Gnome Stew!
My name is The Savage Mommy and I approve this message!
It’s a trap!
Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of this test.
Edit: Made with gnomes…the counseling part I mean!
I had a brilliantly funny comment ready to go, but then i pooped and forgot it. 🙁
I don’t want to lose my account
=P
Gnome, gnome on the range
Where the elves and the halflings do play
Where seldom is heard, an alien word
And the skies, they are flaumphy all day
Hey lookie here – i have an account. Not sure if i have any other comments associated with it, but there’s this one at least.
I said something funny, but you have no way of knowing that, so i’ll type it too:
“something funnyâ€
Thanks for existing. I really appreciate the content you guys put out. Well done.
I would also like to not be deleted despite my proclivity to invite folks to chat live with hot single women.
I lurk, therefore I am
Isn’t it funny how all of us computerized spam accounts that are commenting on this article for the first time have the same dorky “I’ve never changed my account picture since I never log in” picture?? This PROVES most of us who replied to this thread are actually spam robot accounts! Don’t let us win, otherwise the machines will take over the Earth!
I am of the opinion that Spam just has a bad rap. I mean it can serve a legitimate purpose. Example: Just yesterday, I had a great lunch of Spam, eggs and hashbrowns. It was quite tasty… wait, that was Spam, not spam. My bad. Down with the spambots!
Something funny.
Am I doing that right? 😉
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
Has someone said ‘inconceivable’ yet? If not, I would like that recorded as my response, your honor.
“Gnome Casserole…”
Only a spam bot would be so bold at to claim such a thing!
I hate instruction like that. And how well does humor translate in this situation? I know, not funny at all, but a valid concern.
Anyway, I am a real human being as I hope my pseudo-philosophizing proves.
What is a “gift ceriticiate,” exactly? OK, now I’m just causing trouble…
SPAM is the cow-pat in the field of electronic communications.
Zombie: “Braaaaaaaaaaains…”
Vegetarian Zombie: “Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaains…”
I’m not dead yet!
The Burning Wheel game I ran in the spring involved an oafish character talking to his sister-in-law (a noble). She was complaining that he disgraced their house because he had no shoes, tattered clothes, and a big freaking warhammer that the character spent all of his resources on at creation to get. He also believed that his gandmama’s spirit was in the hammer. When the NPC told him to sell it and get shoes and clothes, he replied, “Is our family so poor that we must sell family?” He did this while pantomiming holding the hammer and turning it so that she would see the engraved sides.
Perhaps not the funniest on paper, but at the session we all nearly died laughing.
I perceive myself to be a real person, please do not delete my reality.
Looking at some of the comments I have realized that “funny” must be very subjective. To me, life is funny. I look around and realize how moronic society has become. If you look at stand-up comedy, many of those buffoons think that a crude joke here and a swear word there mark them a genius of comedy. It makes me think of the movie “Idiocracy”.
Gaming has comedy that endures. It does not usually translate well when told to “those that were not there”. It is rarely pre-meditated humor but instead an organic situation that is enjoyed and fondly recalled by those that experienced it.
Human? Hmmm, ….. Let’s see. (Pulls waistband and looks in.) Yep. I’m human, I guess.
I am neither robot nor gnome, but I do enjoy a good stew.