Gaming Advice From Cats

Loki knows that he is a people and regularly claims a seat at the game table.

This spring, we thought it was time to vary up our content a bit. While we all still love roleplaying games and all that comes with it, it was decided we needed a fresh look at the hobby. After all, who better to bring their opinions to us than the loveable furballs so many of us belong to. After all, cats have not forgotten that they were once worshipped as gods.

• No matter what happens, you meant to do that. Whether you are a player or a GM, that wasn’t an accident (even if you slid across the floor into the stove face first), it was your plan all along.

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Roc, always gorgeous.

• Naps are of critical importance. Nap before game, nap after game, and nap during the game if necessary.
• If more than one person gets distracted by something (a toy, a wrapper, a bug on the ceiling), it’s probably a good time to call for a break.

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Ernie doesn’t always give game advice, but when he does…

• Make sure there are snacks. If there are no snacks, or can see the bottom of the snack bowl, you are obligated to complain loudly.

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Bella will always make sure you know when the bowl is empty.

• Remember: The GM must kill you nine times before your character is truly gone from the game. (If you happen to be playing Paranoia, each clone has 9 lives, so that’s a total of 54 lives!)
• Regardless, if the GM kills your character, you are within your rights to hork a hairball into their shoe.

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Loki hiding. He’s innocent, he swears.

• If someone else makes a dice tower at the table, it is perfectly acceptable to make direct eye contact with them as you knock the tower over and the dice off the table.
• If you should find your fellow players starting to get annoyed at you, resort to the cute and innocent “I’m a baby” look and all will be forgiven.

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Tamzin perfected the innocent look.

• You can be aloof to your humans, but when you find some that you like, make sure you hang onto them.

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Loki declares this human as his.

• Whenever the dice betray you, it is okay to bat it off the table for a free reroll.
• It is totally acceptable to spend a lot of time thinking about your game, usually with your eyes closed in the sunshine. You don’t have to have a whole lot of notes because not everyone’s prep looks the same.

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Thor’s blep of contemplation.

• The battle map is for the express purpose of napping. Or scratching if the desire should arise.
• Make sure to cement your claim to your share of the loot by rubbing your chin on it. More extreme measures of marking territory are considered socially unacceptable (though a good way to get rid of a gamer you don’t want to come back…)

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Ernie, in a box.

• A critical miss is usually accompanied by someone accidentally discovering a hairball with their foot. Someone must suffer after all.
• Always be kind to the kittens… er, newbies. Someone has to teach them the ways of being awesome after all. Never let them forget who is boss but take them under your wing.

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Pashenko insisted he hated the kittens.

And there you have it, gaming advice from cats! I mean, they must be experts. After all, who domesticated who when it comes to the relationship between cats and people. They certainly don’t worship us like dogs do, so there must be something going on there. Well, we’re off. Roc has to get to his D&D game and play his sorcerer.

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