I hate press releases — really. Engine Publishing doesn’t do press releases, period, and I rarely read the ones put out by other companies. But this draft press release, which was leaked to Gnome Stew by an anonymous party whose name definitely doesn’t rhyme with Shmyan Shmancey, was too juicy to pass up:

RENTON, Washington, April 15. Wizards of the Coast, the leader in hobby games, is pleased to announce the first preview of DUNGEONS & DRAGONS (TM) 5th Edition. This preview, an “alpha” version of the new rules, will be included in our most essential release for D&D players since 2002..

2002’s The Book of Vile Darkness and its companion product, The Book of Exalted Deeds, both oriented towards mature audiences, were the most successful and critically praised products in DUNGEONS & DRAGONS history. Coupled with the runaway success of the third-party Book of Erotic Fantasy (2006), we saw a real opportunity to go back to that well and revitalize the DUNGEONS & DRAGONS property with another flagship product.

Wizards of the Coast is proud to announce the May 2011 release of The Book of Erotic Flatulence, which will feature a preview of the DUNGEONS & DRAGONS 5th Edition rules.

Brand Manager K. Siemdieba says, “This is the product Dungeon Masters and D&D players have been clamoring for in person at conventions and in our online forums. Without the Book of Erotic Flatulence, your game is just plain incomplete — and if you haven’t been including the bodily functions of D&D’s most iconic creatures in your games since 1997, like all of us here at Wizards, then man are you missing out. From reesty orc beefs to wispy little mind flayer squeakers, the Book of Erotic Flatulence has it all. You do not want to miss this.

The Book of Erotic Flatulence will be a full-color 32-page hardcover with a retail price of $49.95, and is expected in retail stores in May 2011.

The press release was accompanied by a PDF, which I can only assume is some kind of internal production copy of The Book of Erotic Flatulence. The cover is below, and you can download the PDF if you enjoy pain (NSFW).

I have no words. I’m so glad I stopped playing D&D. Thanks for ripping a big, erotic fart all over my childhood, WotC.