I have been very fortunate to have been gaming for 40+ years. I have rolled dice with friends in nearly every decade of my life (minus that first one with the crayons, learning letters and numbers). I have had D&D sleepovers as a teenager where we played all night. I gamed with a table of single folks starting our careers. I have gamed as myself and my friends got engaged, married, and had children. I’ve been at the table as people have been promoted and laid off. Today, my gaming group has grown children and members who are talking about retirement, myself included. I have come to realize that my table is not the same as it was in past decades. The challenges are different. Fewer are the challenges of career, family, and children, and more the challenges of age. I thought we might be frank and talk about it.
The paradox of getting older is that your past problems start to work themselves out, but the ones that replace them are not any better. In my 30s and 40s, my concerns were about promotions and finding time to game with young kids. I wrote a whole book (Never Unprepared [1]) about how to prep sessions accounting for the challenges of work and family that constrict your gaming time.
Now in my 50s, my kids are adults, my career is settled into its third act, but now my challenges have to do with age. A previously broken arm that still aches when the temperature is just right, making some nights at the table uncomfortable. An array of medicine that I take to counteract all the table snacks, questionable gaming dinner decisions, and lack of movement from the past few decades of gaming. I take a nap before every game, just to make sure my energy is up for game time.
The lesson I have learned through these years of gaming is not to deny the reality of where my life is, and to try to embrace a nostalgia of those “good ole days” of gaming that is impossible to reach, and in reality likely never really occurred. Rather, it’s about embracing life right now and the challenges that come with it, and working through them. So that despite the challenges and obstacles that age is bringing on, I can continue to game and enjoy this hobby that has been one of the great constants of my life.
Issues as Your Table Ages
Aging gamers are going to be more and more of a thing, as Gen X moves into our 50s and 60s. Here are some of the challenges I have observed.
Diminishing Energy
We older gamers don’t have the energy that we used to have. We get tired earlier; many of us don’t stay up as late. This can show up at the table in the form of people not thinking clearly or a loss of focus (see below). Older players may not be up for a 6-hour weekly session, or not up for a full day of convention gaming.
Health Issues
Mileage creates wear and tear. The older you are, the more health issues you accumulate. Old injuries, like my arm, can flare up; metabolic disorders such as diabetes; cardiovascular issues, etc. These issues may require some accommodations at the table, perhaps a different chair, additional breaks, changes in table snacks, or they could prevent someone from attending a session.
Memory and Focus
Even as I list this, I am resisting admitting it. Are my memory and focus as sharp as they were in my 20s? 30s? No. The truth is that as we get older, memory and focus can diminish. At my table, there are frequent occurrences of people forgetting narrative or tactical details, confusing rules, etc., myself included. I do think, with no medical data, that RPGs are a good exercise for both of these things, so it could be much worse.
Aging Parents
While the challenges of having small children have passed, we now face the challenges of aging parents. Depending on their situations, this can result in players having to adjust their gaming schedules or miss sessions in order to help their parents. This can ebb and flow depending on the time of year, or if health issues intensify.
Novelty
With 40 years of gaming, I have seen a lot and done a lot. My players are the same. In terms of games, it is sometimes hard to find a game that “feels new”. At a certain level, there are only so many dungeons to raid or unseen horrors to encounter before they feel a bit the same. If you are a person who craves novelty, it gets harder to find those new experiences.
In terms of plots and stories, the older you get, the more games you have played, the more media you have consumed, the more you start to get that George Polti [2]was right — there are a finite number of dramatic situations. My players are quick to pick up when a plot sounds like a previous game or another form of media.
Nostalgia
By and large, I distrust nostalgia, because it is emotional and founded on memory. Emotions are fickle, and memory is flawed. Many older players long for those good ole days, when honestly they never really existed. They may gravitate to older games to try to recapture that feeling or want to play a certain way. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I think playing older games can be a lot of fun, but when you are chasing something you can’t reach, it can drift into the obsessive.
How To Adapt
If you have read enough of my articles, you know that I don’t list problems without some suggested solutions. Here are some ways to help work around the above-mentioned challenges:
Adjust Your Game Time
Adjusting when you play and how long you play can address issues of energy, health issues, and even aging parents. I like gaming on weekends more than during the week because I am less tired from work, working out, etc. When I run games, I run a 3-hour game because longer games can wear more on everyone at the table. Game earlier, play shorter sessions, pick days when everyone has more energy. This will by far diminish or fix a large number of issues.
Make Accommodations
My generation, Gen X, is kind of known for not asking for help, and worse, accepting help that is offered. We are pretty feral that way. That said, it’s time to break our generational stereotypes and ask for accommodations at the table. Wear your comfy clothes to game night, get a different chair if it’s better for your back, ask that we do away with the junk food for snacks, turn up the lights, speak louder, etc. There is no loss in honor for asking the table for things that will make you more comfortable gaming.
Notes, Supplements, and Handouts
Memory fades, but printouts on laser printers hold up well. Make handouts for your players of clues or lists of recurring NPCs. Find or create cheat sheets so that everyone can easily look up rules. If theater of the mind is struggling, move to battle maps or whiteboards. As a GM, be forgiving when people don’t remember the details, and just give them out again. The less you ask everyone to hold in their heads, the easier the game will be.
Make Learning New Games Easier
Focus and memory issues will result in it taking longer to learn new games. Give more time for people to read and learn the rules. Use the handout advice above to help people remember the rules. Have patience when you start a new game, with the table and yourself, as you may have to look up rules more than you used to. Depending on you and your group, you may also want to avoid too many new systems, or avoid games that have higher rule complexity.
Don’t Worry About Being Novel
Since all media is just 36 Dramatic Situations, don’t sweat about being too original. Also, don’t be upset if your players recognize a certain plot or scene as being like some other media. Tying to be eternally original will burn you out. No other media cares about total originality; you shouldn’t either.
Be Wary With Nostalgia
I told you I don’t like nostalgia. So my advice here is biased. Don’t chase nostalgia. RPGs and gaming groups are like Heraclitus’ Man and the River. No group of players plays a game the same way twice, and no group of players is the same playing that game twice. I am not saying not to go and play old games, but play them as the saged gamers you are today and enjoy it for what it is, not what you remember it to be.
A Moment for the Good Stuff
While this article was about the challenges facing aging gamers, let me quickly list some things about being an older gamer that are great:
- My RPG skills are honed. I have been doing this for decades, and I keep getting better. I am a much better gamer than I was as a teenager.
- I know a lot of stuff. Both gaming-related and not. I have gone through a lot of school and decades of a career. During that time, I have played hundreds of games. I can draw upon a deep well of knowledge for any situation.
- I have a wealth of life experience to use for inspiration. I have lived a lot of life, good times and bad, and I can dip into those memories to come up with unique NPCs, to emote in a scene, to relate to all sorts of situations.
- I have adult money. I am not saving up my allowance to buy new games. If I want a game, I can generally afford it.
- I have far greater control of my time. My work times are stable; my kids drive themselves to events. Fewer external factors consume my free time.
- I have more emotional control. Age and a lot of therapy have made me more level-headed and more empathetic. That carries to the table where I work to make sure everyone at the table has a good time.
I do understand that this is not true for everyone, and none, some, or all of these may apply to you based on where you are in your life.
I Ain’t As Good As I Once Was, But I Am As Good Once As I Ever Was
At this stage of my gaming tenure, I am noticing the challenges changing. There have always been challenges in gaming, and in every decade I have figured out how to traverse those challenges. By being realistic and candid, I may not be able to game as long or as late as I used to, but I can still run and play one hell of a game. I may just need a nap before or after.
How has aging created challenges in your gaming or group? How have you worked through or around them?